Homer the Wanted
by Reservoir Dog
Summary: Homer didnt show up in the morning. And it wasnt alcohol related! When the Simpson family goes out to look for him they uncover a secret about the new mysterious pants store that moved in Springfield.


Homer the Wanted

Opens with Homer leaving the house to go to work. When he gets into his car he notices a truck across the street that says Ordinary Vehicle on it.

Homer: Never noticed that there before, must be some new neighbors moving in.

Homer drives the car out of the driveway and out of the scene. Seconds later another car (a black car) drives out of the truck that says Ordinary Vehicle on it.

Cuts to Homer in his car adjusting the rear view mirror and the black car is right behind Homer. Homer changes lanes and the black car follows. Homer changes back and the black car follows. Homer drives up to the Kwik-E-Mart and watches the black car. The black car keeps on going down the street and disappears.

Homer sighs in relief

Homer walks inside the Kwik-E-Mart and looks up at the camera's and the camera follows Homer as he walks up to the counter.

Homer: Hi Apu

Apu: Hello Homer, what will you be buying today

Homer: I'll just have a large Squishy Apu

Apu: And what flavor would you like sir: Blue, Red or green

Homer: Purple

Apu: I am sorry sir we do not have purple

Homer: Its easy, just put the blue and the red together

Apu puts the blue and the red together and it turns into a gross brownish mix

Homer: mmmm purple

Apu: Here you are Homer, please come again

Homer sees the camera follow him back out the door

Cuts to Homer driving his car again with brown squishy on his lips

Homer: Well, there is no car following me anymore, no reason to- (Homer sees the black car following him again) - (Homer Yelps)

Cuts to Homer at work talking to Lenny and Carl

Homer: Have you guys noticed anything a little weird going on around here lately

Carl: Yeah, someone pooped in the urinals

Homer: It was only because the stall was-…I mean, Um, I hope we find out who did it

Carl: Homer, you didn't do that did you?

Homer: Um, no of course not, Carl did it

Lenny: We're not idiots, Homer

Homer: Ok, it was me, big surprise, now can you just listen to me for two seconds

Carl: Ok, Homer, what is it

Homer: Ok, so this black car has been following me around all over the place and the camera at the Kwik-E-Mart was looking at me the whole time…

Lenny: And the people in the black car are going through your car…

Homer: Yeah, and they al- WHAT!!!

Lenny: Look out the window

Homer looks out and he sees that the people in the black car have gotten out of their car and are now in his car throwing trash out of the car. Homer sees that they throw his squishy out too.

Homer: Noo, not my squishy

Carl: That sucks

Lenny and Carl walk away

Cuts to Homer riding his car back home

Homer: This long ride back home and no squishy to keep me company, better turn on the radio

Homer turns on the radio and all he gets is static. He changes stations and still only static.

Homer: Damn radio, start working

Homer continues to changes stations and he continues to only get static

Homer: I warned you

Homer kicks the radio and then something falls from the ceiling of the car. The object is black and has an antenna at the end (supposed to look like a spy bug tap) .Homer throws it out the window and then the transmission come in fine on the radio.

Homer: Hmmm, that was a little weird

Just then Homer hears a helicopter that follows him all the way back home. When he gets out of his car, FBI agents come out of nowhere

FBI agent: Freeze, Homer Simpson

Homer stays still

FBI agent: Ok do it

Another FBI agent knocks Homer out with a baton and the screen goes black

Homer awakes in a cold interrogation room with 3 FBI agents in it, two guarding the door and one asking him questions. Homer notices he has no pants on.

Homer: Where are my pants, where am I?

FBI agent: I will be asking the questions from now on. First, where did you get those pants?

Homer: I, I don't know I forget

FBI agent: Did you know it is a felony, punishable by death to be wearing blue pants

Homer: No

FBI agent: Well, as of… (the FBI agent looks at his watch) 29, 30 seconds ago it is , so you better start talking Simpson

Homer: About what?

FBI agent: About where you got those pants

Homer: Oh yes, well it was a beautiful summer day when I was the ripe age of- (Homer dashes toward the door, but the guards there grab him by the arms)

Homer sobbing: I don't want to die, let go of me

The guards put Homer in his seat again

FBI agent: This is the last time I am going to ask you Simpson, where did you get those pants?

Homer: I don't remember

FBI agent: Ok, get the electric chair warmed up

Homer: electric chair? I like the sound of that

FBI agent: Good I am glad you do

Homer is put in a jail cell and left there till morning. The next morning Homer wakes up to two guards throwing water on him from outside the bars.

Guard yelling: Simpson wake up already

Homer: What is it?

Guard: What do you want for your last meal

Homer: A last meal and an electric chair, I must be the luckiest person on the Earth

Cut to Marge waking up at the Simpson house and noticing that Homer is not in bed.

Marge: Homer, Homer where are you?

Marge wakes up the kids

Marge: Bart, Lisa, have any of you seen Homer?

Bart: You lost him again?

Marge: I hope he didn't do anything public enough for the news to find out about

Lisa: I'll check

Lisa runs downstairs

Marge: Bart go check if he's gone to the bathroom, maybe he came here before he left

Bart: How will I know if he's gone to the bathroom?

Marge: You'll know

Bart runs to the bathroom

Marge: What has Homer done this time?

Bart yelling from the bathroom: The seat's closed and there isn't a puddle behind the toilet, Homer couldn't have been here

Lisa: Mom, Bart come here quick

Bart and Marge run down to the TV room

On the TV, Kent Brockman is speaking

Kent: It has just been brought to my attention that the government has passed a law that states that blue pants are now illegal to wear and it is a crime punishable by death to be caught wearing blue pants. Gene Governor is the main advocate of this law. Here is footage of Gene Governor explaining to Mayor Quimby, why this law should be passed.

Gene Governor is in Mayor Quimby's office

Gene: My study's show that people that wear blue pants are more prone to commit crimes

A projector slide show appears on Quimby's office wall

A picture of Lee Harvey Oswald appears on the wall

Gene: As you can see, Lee Harvey Oswald is clearly wearing blue pants before shooting JFK

A picture of Hitler appears on the wall

Gene: And here is a rare picture of Hitler enjoying one of his many pairs of blue jeans

Cuts to Lisa watching the TV

Lisa: This is ridiculous, how stupid do people think this town is

Bart: Lisa, this has nothing to do with Dad we should stop wasting time

Lisa: Bart, Dad wears blue pants

Bart: I don't follow you

Lisa: Grrrr

Cuts back to the TV news program

There is a picture of Richard Nixon wearing blue pants on the wall

Gene: The evidence is overwhelming, Mayor

Quimby: You are ,Uh, completely correct, let me just change my pants and then this law ,Uh, will be official

Lisa turns off the TV

Lisa: We have to help Dad

Bart: Why? What did he do?

Cuts to Homer at the prison

Guards walk up to Homer's prison cell

Guard: Your dinner is ready. It took all day to make it, I don't see how you could possibly eat it all.

Other Guard: Gene Governor's studies show that evil people have larger appetites

Guard: Makes sense to me

Other Guard: Come on Simpson

Guard opens the prison gate and escorts Homer to the last dinner table. The last dinner table has mountains of food on it. Lobster, steak, burgers and fries, etc. Homer begins to eat.

While eating, Homer sees people go into a room. The room flashes light, then the people come out in a bodybag.

Homer: Why are those people coming of that room in those bags?

Guard: I'll show you

Homer drops his hamburger and follows the guard to a window of the room. In the room there is an electric chair. Homer watches as Hans Moleman is sat down.

Hans Moleman: Just tell my wife I lo-

Mole man gets executed mid-sentence and put in a bodybag and dragged out of the room.

Homer: That's what an electric chair is?

Guard: Yes, right after your last meal

Homer: I'll tell you anything just don't make me go in there

Guard: Good, then tell us who sold you those blue jeans

Homer: Fine, I will

The Guard hits him on the head with a baton

Homer wakes up in the same interrogation room that he was in before

FBI agent: So you're ready to talk

Homer: Yeah what do you want?

FBI agent: Who sold you those blue pants?

Homer: Will you let me go if I tell you?

FBI agent: No, we will just put you in prison for life

Homer: No deal

FBI agent: Ok take him to electric chair

Guards grab Homer and begin to drag him out of the room

Homer: Ok, Ok, I'll tell you

FBI agent: Who is it then?

Close up on Homer's mouth

Homer: …Moe

Cuts to Moe's bar. For a few seconds people are just drinking beer and everything is normal and quiet. Suddenly FBI agents crash through the walls and windows all over Moe's bar. The FBI agents put a bag over Moe's head and run out.

Barney: Bye Moe

Cuts to Homer in his jail cell watching two guards take Moe to the electric chair.

Moe: I'm finally going to die, I've been waiting for this moment all my life

The guards walk him into the room where the electric chair is, and they sit him down in the chair. The executioner pulls down the lever and sparks come out of it and it breaks.

Guard: This will take days to fix, you got lucky Moe

Moe annoyed: Ahh, shouldn't have gotten my hopes up

Cuts to Marge at home with the kids watching TV and a commercial is on for a black and brown pants shop called George Vernon's Black and Brown Pantseria

George Vernon (a bearded fellow): Hello, this is George Vernon and have I got some great pants for you, we have all different kinds of pants: Black pants Blue pants Small pants Large pants any kind of pants you'll ever need, so come on down to George Vernon's Pantseria. ( The Pantsteria is looks obviously like Moe's bar. They have only taken down the M and the E from the sign)

Lisa: That commercial has been on 6 times in the past 10 minutes

Bart: And that store looks strangely like Moe's bar

Lisa: There is something strange about that Pantseria, lets go check it out Mom.

Cut to Marge and the kids in the Pantseria

Marge: Wow this place has all kinds of pants: brown pants, black pants

Lisa: But no blue pants

George Vernon comes from a counter

George Vernon: Hello friends, can I help you find some pants

Marge: No, we're just browsing

George: Ok maybe I can help you, what are you looking for? We have some nice children's sized pants

Marge: Actually I am looking for my husband

George: I am afraid I cant help you there

Lisa: Why don't you have any blue pants?

George: Didn't you hear? It's illegal now

Lisa: I know that, but you could have only had a few hours to get rid of your blue pants selection and change your name before the police came and arrested you

George: Little girls say the funniest things don't they

George pats Lisa on the head and walks away

Lisa: Mom call the police, I think I can save Dad

Cut to Homer in his prison cell digging out the wall with a rock. His back is facing the bars of the cell.

Two guards are walking down the hall to Homer's cell with a prison meal for him (The lights flicker)

Guard: Looks like they got the electric chair working again

Other guard: About time

Guard: This is the room

The guards walk up to Homer's cell and they see Homer digging out the wall

Guard: Hey what are you doing

Homer turns around quickly covering the small hole that he had dug in the wall

Homer: Nothing

Guard: I think you were doing something, open the door Joe

The other guard opens the door and moves Homer away from the hole that he made

Guard: Oh you're in big trouble

Homer: I am?

Guard: Oh yes yo—

Homer dashes out of the open cell door

One of the guards pulls out a taser

Guard: Lets get him

The guards run down the prison hall and catch up to a couple of feet of Homer and one of the guards shoots his taser at Homer and Homer picks up a stick on the ground and hits the taser and it flies into Moes prison cell and hits Moe in the eye

Moe: Oooouch, dammit, when are they going to get that electric chair fixed

The guard that hit Moe in the eye with the taser stops chasing Homer, but the other guard shoots his taser at Homer and hits him in the butt. Homer screams and falls on the floor, but still, while getting electrocuted, tries to crawls away but then he collapses. The guard pulls the taser from Homer's body and then his pants catch on fire

Cut to Homer walking down the hall now escorted by two guards

Homer: Where are you taking me

Guard: You're going to the electric chair, for that little stunt you pulled

Homer: Don't I get a last dinner?

Guard: No

Homer: How about a last dessert?

Guard: The rule is: you only get a last dessert if you finish your last dinner, and you didn't finish your last dinner so, no

Homer groans

Cut to a back view of Homer and the guards and Homer's ass is visible from his singed pants

Cut to the guards putting Homer in the electric chair, one of the guards goes to the execution lever

Guard: Have any last words?

Homer: Yes I do

Guard: What are they

Homer: Tell Ned Flanders (Homer starts to cry) that I didn't mean all those things I ---

Another guard interrupts: You guys have to see this

Guard: Aw come on we just about to kill this guy

Other guard: No time this is important, he should come too (points at Homer)

Cut to them all watching TV

Lisa is on the TV and George Vernon is getting arrested by Chief Wiggum ( who is wearing rainbow colored pants)

Lisa: This man has fooled this whole town, I'll tell you how I figured it out. First I found it odd that the only pants store in town that didn't have blue pants was The Panteria, therefore it is the only pants store that didn't get shut down because the sold blue pants.

Chief Wiggum: That's not a crime though

Lisa: I'm not finished Wiggum. Ok, so next I noticed a remarkable resemblance between George Vernon, the owner of the only pants store in town and Gene Governor, the man that made it so there was only one pants store in town. Then I realized George Vernon is an anagram for Gene Governor (Lisa shows a piece of paper with the two names on it) and so it came to me that these two are one and the same

Lisa pulls off George Vernon's fake beard

Chief Wiggum: You're going away for good George, I mean Gene, Um, whoever you are you're going away for good

Lou: Good recovery chief

Chief Wiggum: Thanks Lou

Cut to Homer reuniting with the rest of his family

Marge: We were so worried about you, how was prison

Homer: Well they have this thing called a last supper

FADE OUT

THE END


End file.
